The child I thought would make me the most proud is actually my biggest disappointment.
My dad, to me, about me.
And that my friends, concludes this blog.
I need a lock for my door so my hookers can’t get out.
Tanner
I need a dickie!
Dad
Printer Unfriendly
| Tanner: | Who is printing something? |
|---|---|
| Me: | Me. |
| Tanner: | Okay, well quit, I'm going to bed. |
| Me: | I have one more page, then I'm done. |
| Tanner: | Okay Biscuit. |
Fluid
| Tay: | You know how girls have, like, discharge all day? |
|---|---|
| Me: | Um, yes.... |
| Tay: | Not fair. Why don't guys walk around jizzing all day?!?!? |
I’m making a mexican fiesta! Chimichanga, and toquitos. Plus the rice in the fridge. You can have some if you want. Oh man, we have sloppy joe leftovers! I’m having an appetizer too!
Tanner
You know how I feel about fishing? I FUCKING HATE IT.
Dad. (via therebutforthegraceofgodgoi)
They said business casual. No polyester or jeans. So I should be able to just go in my underwear. Because I don’t wear polyester or jeans when I’m doing my business.
Dad
Bread
| Tay: | Dad, will you make a toast at my wedding? |
|---|---|
| Dad: | How much toast do you need? |
Have you ever got something spicy in your cunt? I mean cut.
Tanner
Hi, I need to call in a prescription. Fifteen megagrams of Aderral….
Dad, calling in Tanner’s Rx.
Me: Shit, I would walk around with my left hand sticking out if someone gave me a 2 carat diamond!
Then Tanner walks up to me and says ‘Here, have two carrots!’ and hands me….2 CARROTS.
